I have been a tarot reader for 23 years now, and in that time I have had the honour of being privy to thousands of people’s hopes, dreams and deepest secrets. Many of my clients come to me for confirmation of what they already know, or they are at a crossroads and are stuck as to which direction to go in. Some people are married and wish they weren’t, and some are single and wish they weren’t. It often feels like the grass is invariably greener on the other side of the fence!
Looking for Mr/Ms Right
Relationships of all sorts form a large number of the reasons that both men and women seek my counsel. Some want to know if the person they are with, or who they’ve just met, is the right person for them, or do they have to wait for someone else to come along.
I am obviously generalising here, but many people are disappointed to know that that handsome guy or stunning woman that they have just met are likely to bring them more grief than happiness. What other people think about their choice of partner is often of paramount importance – and the more good looking they are is seen as a way of elevating their own status. As if having a good looking partner means that we are somehow more special than those people whose partners aren’t blessed with obvious physical beauty.
In the superficial world that a lot of us live in, true love has a hard time coming to the surface when it’s not married to a beautiful face and a fit body!
Many people have this vision of the perfect partner who will make their lives complete, and the only slight altercation will be about who does the washing up or takes out the rubbish! Whether we call it Soulmate, Twin Flame or Mr/Ms Right it amounts to the same thing – a lot of people have this vision of someone who will totally understand them and life will become harmonious and much better when we meet them.
What people don’t necessarily ask themselves is – what would that paragon of virtue see in us? What would make them single us out to be their lifetime partner? Looking fantastic and/or being sexy isn’t enough – not for a lifetime commitment. There has to be some other attraction, something deeper and beyond the physical.
Are we willing to change ourselves?
When I ask this question, I’m not meaning by losing weight, going to the gym or dying our hair a different colour. What I mean is, are we willing to change ourselves internally to become the best ‘us’ that we can be?
It’s all very well looking for the perfect long term partner, but considering that the world is operating on energy, we will only attract the partners that are on our current energy level.
In a nutshell, if we have issues around self-love, we are likely to attract a partner who makes us feel worse about ourselves. If we have issues around abandonment, we are likely to attract a partner who is unreliable and keeps us in a state of uncertainty most of the time.
To paraphrase a famous Gandhi quote ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ – ‘Be the partner you want to see in your life’. How can any of us expect to attract a loving and kind partner if we ourselves aren’t loving and kind to either ourselves or others? How can any of us expect honesty and authenticity if we lie and cheat and pretend to be something we aren’t? The truth will always come out in the end!
We ideally need to get to a place within ourselves where we are happy to be alone because we like ourselves. We find that we are good company and know ourselves well enough to always find something of interest which we can immerse ourselves in. By doing that, we become more interesting to others, and we will also be more likely to attract Mr/Ms Right to us, who could potentially have similar goals and interests. It’s a win/win situation.
We also need to forget the illusion that someone else can make us happy – they can’t, and that pressure should never be put on another person – it’s unfair. Only we ourselves can make us happy – we then attract other people who can share and enhance that happiness. This also encourages other people to stick around – it’s great to share happiness and be in the flow of joy, but being the object of someone else’s happiness is unlikely to be something anyone can bear in the long term. Sooner or later they will want to break free – especially if they aren’t managing to create the happiness that the other person expects of them.
I would like to submit that if we currently have a partner/husband/wife, that that person is Mr/Ms/Mrs Right Now. They might not be right for the future, but they are right for where we are in our lives right now.
If we are really happy in our relationship, then we could have the ultimate relationship right now, and we will continue to grow together into a rich and fulfilling old age.
If we are unhappy in our relationship, then that indicates that we need to do some work on ourselves to elevate our energy. We need to love ourselves more, and by doing that either our partner will change along with us, or they will leave us (or we will leave them), as we will no longer resonate on an energetic level. I am not for an instance saying that this is easy, and if anyone is in this situation they might need to get some outside support to come to a place of self-love, self-acceptance and feeling deserving of being truly loved.
Blaming our partners for our unhappiness is a waste of time and a distraction. It is best to save the energy we expend on blame and use it to ask ourselves why we attracted someone who disrespects us, is violent towards us or who merely bores us. Once we find the answer to that question, we can then start to change ourselves to the point that the unhappy relationship is repelled and out of our life.
I have a very good friend who has been happily married for over 25 years. She has said to me that if you are in the right relationship then it doesn’t take a lot of work. This isn’t to say that she and her husband don’t annoy each other from time to time, but their love and respect for each other far outweighs the minor stuff which is soon over and done with.
I wish you all the Mr/Ms Right of your dreams, and that you will also be the Mr/Ms Right of their dreams!
Sue is the Founder of Soulfully Connecting. The idea behind Soulfully Connecting is to demonstrate that there are other ways of living which can heal the earth, the animal kingdom and ourselves. She is passionate about people having freedom of choice, which is only possible when they know about all the options.
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